Mothering

John and Neens at Mc Kay Park in the Deschutes ...July 09

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was excited and nervous about the process...but ultimately ok with the notion of raising a child. I thought that all of my experiences thus far with teaching, nannying, etc. would make it so much easier to be a mother myself. Um...not so much. This is truly the hardest job, responsibility, undertaking that I have could have ever fathomed taking on. And yet in the simplest of moments it has taken my breath away and held me captive...Nina drives me crazy on a daily basis but she makes me want to keep on trying just the same. Today we brought out my old beeswax crayons and she/we drew her first picture together. I don't know why this meant so much to me...but it made me step back and say, this is me now...this is the beautiful job that I am priveleged to have ...I get to teach her all about the world. I get to help her notice things, to draw, to see colors, to feel that the river is cold and touch bumpy avocados and taste orange juice for the first time. Oh my, what a job, what a crazy, wonderful, tiring job this mothering is. I know now that the only way to get better at this, is to laugh (or curse) and try again tomorrow. :)