I am a writer. I love to write...it is soothing to me. And yet, I rarely post on this old blog site. I tend to write for myself rather than others and I have journals full of handwritten ramblings about the simple day to day stuff that is important to me...and no one else. The feel of a "flowy" pen in my hand and soft pages of white or white-with-lines or linen or even the yellow orderliness of a legal pad, is much more enticing to me than slowly picking and plunking away on a keyboard hunched over my computer at the kitchen table ( as I am doing right now). Anyhow, in my quest for internal change this past spring, I happened upon Shawn Ledington Fink...a writer, a coach, and an Abundant Mama. I signed up for her weekly posts on living an "Awake Life" and I must say that I am smitten. I love opening my e-mails from her site each week and falling into a quote or a story, a tribute to the ordinary life of mothering or a frustration with dreams being put on hold. There are some weeks that she speaks so directly to my inner soul and self that I think she must have snuck into my brain at night. She is so much braver than I am though, as she is willing to put her feelings out there for the world to see. So this week she posed a challenge to "Start Living". The idea of this challenge spoke volumes to the choices that we have made as of late and to the decision to return to Bend against all odds...against financial pressures, against lack of jobs, against moving for the FIFTH flipping time in two years, against a possible illness that was too scary to even comprehend, against uprooting our sweet precious beans. Against it all, we have pushed forward and made it happen. Last week, as we solidified our plans, I realized that part of this plan is to stop living a temporary life. The nature of our nomadic lifestyle over the past two years has at times stopped us from truly connecting to the places that we have lived. We have tried and we have both succeeded and failed in our efforts. As Bend is upon us, I want to put down roots again, plant my garden, call on my friends, soak up the community that I am part of and believe in. I want my daughters to have a sense of belonging and a feeling of permanence. I am so excited to leave this temporary way of living behind. I love the open road, but I love the feeling of home even more. As I pack boxes tonight, it is my hope that they will soon land in a place that they will not be needed any more. As I take down pictures from the walls I realize that we have not been here long enough for the paint to have faded behind them...I want that again...I want faded paint. So, my challenge to "start living" is actually a challenge to continue living and to do so by reaching out and reconnecting and re-experiencing our long lost hometown. I look forward to seeking out favorite hiking trails but also finding new ones, to introducing the girls to our old friends but also to making new ones.. I want to be awake and present and live in the moment, but I also want the moments build upon each other so that memories are forged, traditions are engrained and life is familiar again. So here's to writing, to living and to making a commitment toward being an active member not only of my community, but of my own life.
Three shots of "living a life less temporary" from our amazing summer trips. Love that we are all looking "forward" to what lies ahead...
Mama & Nina "respecting the ocean" at Pomponio Beach
Dad & Neens paddling together on Tahoe
Elsa's adorable bum at Angora Lake
