As we tumble our way slowly south, the weeks and days are fading into each other. I am careful to check my calendar to make sure that it is in fact Saturday, as I have fallen into a lazy mode waiting for my life in Arizona to unfold. We are not there yet, as we have graciously been offered room and board by my parents until a dog-friendly abode can be secured. Changes in plans always seem to occur at the worst possible time...and yet there is always a reason behind them. This one I will choose to be for the better, as I am relishing time spent among family and the support that they offer to the bean. And so I accept the feelings of not knowing, because I am okay with the making of memories. Each day that we spend in my parents' homes we are making memories. Whether they are as simple and powerful as the sensory memories that lake water and lavender will later evoke in my daughter or as healing as returning to Three Springs after the burglary...all will be important. New memories of kayaks and carsickness will bring humor as we continue on, but the wounds of the screen that is still broken here in San Jose and the momentary fears as we set an alarm that we have never set in the 25 years we have occupied this space, will be etched on our hearts for awhile. As strange as it may seem, as I write this I am thankful that the things that were taken here were just things. The people who broke into this house did not take the smell of the honeysuckle near the garage, they did not take the photos of generations of family that line the staircase, nor did they erase the pencil heights lovingly recorded inside the pantry door. These are the "things" that are home, and they have not been stolen. For this I am eternally grateful. As I walk around this house I realize how many "things" that are valuable to us are not mere possessions...they are memory producers...and we have become the memory wardens, their protectors. We will hold them in our minds no matter what happens to this home, this stuff. They are permanent.
Lately, I also feel grateful and lucky for the ability to still make memories. The past four days have woven together some interesting life realizations between my own experiences and John's in Flag. We are living these completely separate lives, yet the crossing of events keeps us connected...as much as possible. Wednesday was my grandmother's 85th birthday...she is slowly losing her ability to make memories as the dementia worsens and creeps in on all of us. We accept it, yet wonder how something so devastating can take over so fully. We have become the memory reminders. John too...as he attends his clinical in the memory ward at the assisted living facility has become a memory reminder and a caregiver to repetition. Through it all we must protect and care for this great life and these moments that turn into our experiences and essentially our memories of this short short time that we have. I am so thankful for my family, my health and my ability to remember. No matter what the past may remind us of...it is what has shaped us thus far, and made us who we are. I am looking forward to arriving in Flag and to the making of new memories with my family.
