It Takes A Village

They say that it takes a village to raise a child and I wholeheartedly agree.  It also appears that in our case, it takes a village to properly finish household projects. :) Last summer, over beer, John and I decided that it would be great to carve out a little space next to the sandbox for Nina to play and for us to sit and ponder our days away. John lovingly dug and dug...but alas fall came and the checkbook was bare. No wall or patio ...yet. This past weekend, spurred by our imminent move and fear of liability to renters, he and our awesome friend of a friend and professional, Brian, knocked out patio and wall in a matter of hours.  The finished product is a place that I would love to be able to love and soften all summer. My instant thoughts went to what little trees and plants and vines I could surround the stone with. Butterfly bush ad maples, daisies and black-eyed susans leaning over to catch the late sun as my daughter's sandy feet dangle. Mmmm... Alas, I will have to wait, as this space will not be ours again until next year. And so it sinks in that I will not be here to plant my garden, tend my chickens or prune the lilacs next year...and yet it is okay. Leaving is actually making me appreciate how simple and good our little life here has been. I am so thankful for this time and this space that we have made.  We are called to more important endeavors than building a fence or adopting worms from a neighbor, and I must honor that. Most importantly I must honor that I am needed elsewhere...to be a support to others rather than just a lazy schoolteacher looking forward to summer days.  I am needed as a daughter and a wife and a mother right now.  It is in that giving that I will grow while I am away, just as my garden will grow while I am away. Please keep my mom in your thoughts this week...

Red Flag - Our Year Ahead

I think that I could be a real, true-blue blogger if I only had to post once every six months. It is hard to be diligent about sharing information with others, when one doesn't have a clue themselves as to what is going on in their own life!  As a family, we have been living in a world of uncertainty for many years now. Job changes, parenting, housing struggles, etc.  As of late, I feel like our life has been in this cruel holding pattern of sorts as John has painstakingly finished each of the pre-reqs needed for nursing school. As he applied, our questioning intensified, and yet still no answers to the... Where will we go's? When will we go's? and ultimately the WILL WE GO?  So...as February approached and the thought of all our work and waiting being for naught, we courageously headed down to Flagstaff, Arizona to meet our fate head on. We found out the second morning there that we had chosen wisely, as John was told in person that he had in fact gotten in to NAU's program. Thank f#$%ing goodness! (sorry Aunt Mary) It was both unreal and then dreadfully, earth shatteringly REAL all at the same time. We have wanted out of this life, this job and this stagnancy for so long, and now...oh my...we got what we wanted. The overwhelming sense that change is imminent and that in this case it has the potential to be a very good thing has only now really sunk in as we are amidst moving boxes, letters of resignation and leaves of absences. And so we are off to Flagstaff, AZ for one year.  A year of hard work. A year of simplicity. A year of change. A year of soul searching. A year of adventure. This trip is a red flag for us in many regards.  We have not been living well in Bend. By that I do not mean that we do not have the means to live well, I mean that we have much, but choose to not be thankful for it and celebrate it. It has become hard to live within the confines of the expectations that we have placed on this place. I hope that we can go away and come home with a renewed sense of appreciation for Bend and for our life here. I hope that we can survive this 10 year itch and come home to a place that we still want to call HOME.  I am ultimately hopeful for this, but there is also a very profound reason that this "itch" MUST be scratched or we will GO INSANE! We are all in need of a little adventure, and a little test to our belief in ourselves to do great things. I think that the realities of life have stripped us of a bit of our spirit and I hope that we can regain that with a better sense of who we are, of our marriage and of our important roles as both parents and citizens of this world. Life can get so dark sometimes...but we must be able to see that there is HOPE and that new leaves can be turned over. I am viewing this time as our time to turn over that leaf...and hopefully not be swallowed up by whatever is underneath. I believe in John and I want him to be happy in his career. And so we go...I am devastated to leave my school, but change is good for us all.  I have needed something more for awhile now. I just need to work hard to recognize what that is. Some may say that we are complete idiots to leave jobs and health insurance and 5 minute commutes...but to what avail? We probably are quite stupid...but we have to look ahead too. There is no way that we can keep doing what we've been doing without shriveling up into a comatose existence.  We have to fight for MORE than this.  For our sake and for Nina's sake. Nina is AMAZING and resilient. She is the light...in so many ways. More than I could ever express on this silly blog. Anyway, we are off to Flagstaff...and are thankful to all of our friends and family for their support and  hours of advice and listening...even after being asked the same questions over and over again. We will miss you but be only as far away as you want us to be. Six weeks for John and two months for me until we are officially Arizonans for the next year. We are scared and excited...let the packing begin!